2005-10-26

AARGH

Crappy weather, still. And I killed all of yesterday going to see a horse who ended up being TOTALLY not right for me (I miss Nelson more every single day -- I was truly lucky to find such a sweet, athletic, smart, and correctly built horse, and even though we only had a few months together, it was life-changing, and I'm beginning to feel I will never replace him). This horse situation is starting to be a real problem -- I tell myself each morning "Don't think about horses until your work is done!" so of course, all I can do is think of horses. It's getting to be a total obsession, like I'm a 13 yo girl. And as if I didn't have enough keeping me from wanting to work, a dear friend has his 6-month CAT scan today and his freaked-outedness about it has me pretty worked up, too.

I know the only answer is to work through it, go to the page. But I don't want to go to the page. I just want to cry and eat chocolate.

I'm going to lunch. Maybe I'll feel more like working after I eat something.

I hate myself when I don't work. Really, really hate myself. And I've been on such a roll this month -- 13 days of a possible 16, and several of those days I managed 2000+ words! And then, of course, this morning, on the way to the office, I started to wonder if everything I've written on the novel has been wrong ... if in fact our hero isn't engaged at book's open, but rather still trying to get the ring from the man of her dreams, so that actually she's just gotten the ring in Chapter 9, and Chapter 10 starts the wedding madness ...

And I'm pretty sure that all this stuff happening in Chapter 10 needs to happen by Chapter 5 or so, and that this book is MUCH SHORTER than I think it is.

And this thought, of course, leads to my worry that I've spent too much time worrying about plot and not enough luxuriating in my characters.

Who scare the pants off me, of course. Playing with their lives worries me that I'm playing with fire too close to mine.

But what other choice do I have?

Aargh. Really that's all I can say about that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How about another entry someday? You're stoop.